Childhood Care and Romantic Relationships

Early Childhood Care and Romantic Relationships

Understanding how early childhood care shapes romantic relationships is essential. Developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth in the 1950s, attachment theory connects our early bonds with caregivers to the attachments we form in adult relationships. In fact, these early connections often become the foundation for how we love and relate to others later in life.

The Impact of Early Care on Adult Relationships

For example, if your emotional needs were often overlooked as a child, you might grow up feeling that your feelings are irrelevant. As a result, you may find yourself in relationships with people who treat you the same way. Alternatively, if you witnessed a lot of conflict between your parents, you might internalize that fighting is a normal part of love. Consequently, you may repeat that pattern in your romantic relationships.

Importantly, these behaviours are not conscious choices; they are ingrained beliefs and habits from childhood. As we grow, we come to see this way of being as normal, even though it may not serve us well.

Transitioning Beyond Childhood Patterns

Fortunately, personal growth offers a way to change these patterns. When you start working on yourself, you begin to think beyond these ingrained behaviours. Over time, your mature self can take control, helping you to nurture the younger, undeveloped parts of your psyche.

In the coming weeks, we will explore three key childhood attachment styles and their impact on romantic relationships. If any of these styles resonate with you, know that change is possible with the right support and guidance.

The Three Attachment Styles

• Anxious/Insecure Attachment: You may feel anxious about being abandoned or disappointed, especially when you seek closeness.
• Avoidant Attachment: Fear and self-protection drive you to shut down emotionally, avoiding the need for others.
• Secure Attachment: You approach relationships with calmness and thoughtfulness, maintaining a high level of self-respect.

Shifting Relationship Patterns

As a Psychotherapist and Love Coach, I focus on transformational coaching that helps clients move forward. Together, we work to envision the relationship you truly desire and empower you to achieve it. My goal is to help you focus on the future while considering, but not dwelling on, your early life experiences.

I have the privilege of being trained by Katherine Woodward Thomas, the licensed therapist and best-selling author of Calling in The One. Her powerful insights will be shared throughout this series to help guide you on your journey.

A Note from Heather Garbutt

I hope this series helps you find the love you deserve. This is part one of a three-part series on attachment styles. You can read the full article here.

About Heather Garbutt

Heather Garbutt is an experienced Psychotherapist and Relationship Coach with 35 years of expertise. She has contributed to major publications and hosts a podcast, “Revolutionise Your Love Life,” where she discusses all aspects of relationships.