Misunderstood Masculinity

And the most common misunderstandings about masculinity are by men.

Some years ago I listened to the audiobook ‘The Descent of Man’ by Grayson Perry, originally published 2017.

Since then, we have had Me-Too and revelations of misogyny and murder of women in the Police plus increasing public awareness of domestic abuse and violence.

I have just listened to the book again and found it very wise and prophetic. Perry’s main point is that the traditional view of masculinity is a very competitive activity with very high standards. These standards are grooved into boys by their fathers, teachers and peers from an early age. And like all competitive sports there are far more losers than winners. And the harshest judge of men’s performance is themselves.

In a world where tough jobs are diminishing and risk-taking adventures have been reduced, there are fewer opportunities for men to prove themselves in their own eyes and in the opinions of others.

As a result, many men are disappointed and frustrated that they cannot live up to social expectations and their own image of powerful masculinity.

Unfortunately, a minority of these men resort of exerting their frustrated strength and power on the weaker people around them. This is where we find domestic abusers, rapists and wife killers. Most of these men when unmasked turn out to be bullies at home but quiet weaklings in the outside world and among other men.

Many more hide their frustration and low opinion of themselves behind bragging, bluster, and drinking. They channel much of this frustration into spectator sports such as football and motor racing where they can support their heroes but not expose themselves to being measured.
Perry argues it is time to reinvent outdated masculinity into a new form appropriate to our time and dump the natural assumption of superiority over women and all other ‘weaker’ forms of life.
He suggests we should revive the term the ‘Gentle Man’ for a man who uses his power to do good where he can and conserves his strength to use only on the rare occasions it is needed.
What do you think?