Time for some Kidology

Time for Some Kidology: Encouraging Independence in Children

Children quickly learn what they can control—and what they can’t. As parents and carers, it’s time for some Kidology to establish boundaries and keep our children from taking charge of us.

Kidology, a clever parenting tool, might become your trusted companion as you tackle “the ride of your life”—parenthood. Often, children see us as all-powerful, believing we can change anything they dislike in their world. Using Kidology allows us to “blame” external rules, guiding children toward:

1. Socially acceptable behaviour
2. Steps toward independence
3. Acceptance that sometimes, “that’s just the way it is!”

In short, Kidology is about placing responsibility elsewhere. While parents often try to explain situations logically, young children usually lack the maturity to grasp these reasons. Emotional development takes time, and pushing it too early often leads to confusion and frustration for both child and adult.

Karen’s Story: A Real-Life Kidology Success

Recently, I spoke with Karen, a mum struggling with her son’s toilet training. “I don’t understand it; we were doing well,” she explained. “During his last break from nursery, he was using the toilet, telling me when he needed to go—I thought we’d cracked it.” But on his return to nursery, he refused the toilet and resisted anyone changing his nappy. “It was a disaster,” Karen sighed, worried her son was missing out on fun and anxious about his upcoming start at school.

Karen needed a way to gently shift control away from her son. Here’s the advice I gave: “It’s time for some Kidology! Just tell him you can’t buy nappies, pull-ups, or anything similar because he’s now too big. These are only for babies. Stay firm and consistent; you’re simply following ‘the rules.’”

Although initially sceptical, Karen tried it. She stood firm, even through tantrums, reinforcing that she wasn’t responsible for the “no-nappy” rule—it was just how things were.

The Impact of Kidology on Growing Independence

The strategy worked. That night, Karen’s son refused his pull-up and went to bed without it. He woke with a dry bed and has never needed a nappy again. Time for some Kidology gave Karen the support she needed to help her son on his journey to independence.

Practical Kidology Tips for Parents

Here are a few ways to use Kidology in daily life:

• “They’re not selling that today.”
• “Don’t climb on the wall; the lady will be cross.”
• “You can’t get out of bed before it’s light—it’s the rules.”

Kidology offers endless possibilities and can be wonderfully effective. Letting go is difficult, but standing firm allows children to grow. Kidology relieves parents of responsibility for the rules, making it easier to maintain boundaries.