Don’t Remind me it’s Valentines Day

Many midlife women would rather say Don’t remind me it’s Valentine’s Day and forget because it highlights the love they are not getting.

If this resonates with you, you aren’t alone. Many midlife women experience a Love Deficit, feeling they give far more love than they receive.

The Challenge of Feeling Unloved

The most important source of love is your intimate partner. Yet, you may have a supposedly ‘loving partner’ and still know you won’t be receiving a Valentine’s card from him. You might find yourself looking back to earlier times when love was passionate and wondering where it all went.

In my book, Love, Sex, and the Midlife Woman, I explain that love evolves through different phases. It starts with Romantic Love, which typically lasts only a couple of years. Then comes Working Love, where affection takes a backseat to responsibilities like building a home, raising a family, and maintaining financial stability. During this phase, love—and the woman—can often feel taken for granted. That’s why it’s crucial to make a conscious effort to keep love alive.

Should You Stay or Move On?

If you feel unloved, you may ask yourself: Can this love be revived, or is it time to look elsewhere? In other words, should I go or should I stay?

Before making any big decisions, consider that midlife love operates differently from the romantic ideals of youth. Moreover, midlife men are not the same as the young, passionate partners from your past—they have matured into distinct personality types, shaped by life’s experiences.

The Chess Analogy for Midlife Love

Interestingly, I’ve found that most midlife men fit into four distinct personality categories, much like the four male pieces in a chess game. The only female piece in chess is the queen—the most powerful player on the board. This provides a valuable metaphor for midlife women navigating love.

If you want to understand more about these midlife men, how to evaluate them, and how to approach love differently in this stage of life, check out my new video learning course: How to Find Love in Middle Life with Help from the Game of Chess.