How is your relationship with you?

You may ask – Do I have a relationship with myself?

If you have a voice in your head that talks to you some, most, or all of the time, then you have a relationship!

Most of us do. It may give us a running commentary on people, events, and thoughts in our lives, sometimes helpful, sometimes not so much. Because we live with it most of the time, we tend not to examine it. We also tend to avoid discussing it with anyone else.

And what is the nature of the commentary? How helpful is this voice? Nearly always our inner voice is more like an inner critic, giving us fearful, pessimistic, and sometimes abusive comments about ourselves and others. It very rarely makes constructive suggestions.

Feeling good about ourselves is usually a function of how well we think we are operating in our day-to-day life.

It is more widely recognised nowadays that we do have a relationship with ‘ourselves’ that is different from the relationship we have with our bodies. We need to maintain this relationship in as good a shape as our bodies.

Feeling good about ourselves is usually a function of how well we think we are operating in our day-to-day life. And how we judge that is usually by the opinion of our inner voice – not very helpful if our self-talk is highly critical.

Theories vary about where this voice comes from and why we have it. But, regardless of the source we have to recognise that there is another entity around, and we should aim to improve the relationship we have with it.

Improve your relationship with you

It is helpful to recognise that this inner critic probably does have our best interests at heart. It is there to protect us and give us what it thinks are timely warnings and good guidance.

However, the other person, presumably the one we would prefer to be, may think otherwise. This can lead to acrimonious arguments in our heads.

The trouble is that in this two-sided conversation there is the question – how do we know who is speaking? Are both these voices us? Which do we want to be?

A 3-way dialogue

One strategy which works for some people is to move yourself out of the way. This might be called the two Parrot approach. Get a picture of yourself with a Parrot on each shoulder. Both are giving you advice about how you should interpret what is going on and what you should do. Be the neutral judge, listen to both voices and then decide for yourself which opinion or advice to accept.

This is how to do it
  • Take one of your voices and place it in a different part of the room (literally place it somewhere as if it were another person).
  • Take the other voice and place it in another part of the room (wherever feels most comfortable).
  • Place yourself in a part of the room where you can see both voices.
  • Step into one of the voices (literally step into that space) and looking back at yourself give the message that this voice wants to tell you.
  • Then step out of this voice and step into the other voice and do the same.
  • Step back into yourself and thank each of the voices for the message they have given you.
  • Depending on what has been said, you may want to tell the voices something yourself about how you would like them to give you the message in the future (remembering that they are there to protect you) or reassure them that you will listen to them in the future, and take their advice on board.

In the course of this three-way conversation, it is possible to introduce reasoned and dispassionate judgment, without being unduly offensive. Try it and see if it works for you.

This is one of the many techniques which area available to Members. I hope you will spend spome time learning from our Experts and that it will improve your elantionship with your mind.
Love Jean

Looking After You > How is your relationship with you?

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