Looking for Love? The Seasons of Love

Everyone seems to be looking for love but only a few seem to find it and keep it.
Why is that?
When it comes to choosing a life partner, experts say too many of us remain clueless about what we really want and need.

We are fed a diet of fairy tale happy endings and heroic romances from childhood. In these stories, love finds us and sweeps us off our feet. When the story ends the couple gets together and ‘live happily ever after!’

Looking around we can see that real life is not like that and we tend to blame ourselves or our partners for not living out this relationship ideal.

Well, don’t be disheartened. You need to recognise that there are different sorts of Love. They have a natural and logical sequence as we pass through life.

Each of them has its own character and requires its own requirements to be satisfying and fulfilling to both parties. Understanding the stages of love can have a significant impact on how you approach finding lasting happiness in relationships.

I call these the Seasons of Love. Each of them has its own character and requirements to be satisfying and fulfilling to both parties.

1. Romantic or Passionate Love

This is the love that finds us before we knew we were looking for it! Poets write about this love and songwriters sing about it. It is the love of sighing and yearning; of tossing and turning.

We all recognise the first stage of love as the hot passion which overtakes us suddenly and demands all our attention and energy. This is a natural process built into our physiology. It is a cleverly designed part of the reproductive process.

The trouble is that it doesn’t usually last. Experts give it an average life of two years. It might be extended slightly by being kept apart by distance or family opposition. By the time it cools down, a lucky fortunate couple will have begun the next phase of love.

2. Working Love

The next stage is predictable and natural. We can see it operating in nature. Watch the birds in summer. Both mother and father spend the daylight hours flying back and forth to the nest with food to feed their growing chicks.
Th

is is a built-in instinct, not just in birds but in humans. We call this ‘Working Love’.

I say it is like two horses pulling a heavy load. All their effort goes into the job in hand and they don’t have time to look at each other.

Both parties commit to work together on a joint project. Most typically this is setting up a home or a family, or both. It can however be setting up a business. Shared interest is what keeps the couple together but there are many stresses and strains which can endanger the relationship. A couple has to manage and deal with these challenges to keep the relationship strong and growing.

The Working Love period is quite extended for humans. It requires knowledge, patience, and skill to get through. Sadly in today’s western societies, one or both partners don’t have the patience and the failure rate is high, around half of the marriages ending in divorce or separation.

I believe the biggest reason for failing relationships is a lack of knowledge and willingness to develop the necessary skills. It seems to be unavoidable that the ‘working love’ phase has to be worked at.

Once Working Love is complete, the third stage of love emerges. This can only happen if couples recognise their partners’ changing needs.

3. Mature Love

By this time of life, you, your partner, and the relationship will have matured and changed.

Having endured these earlier challenges and changes you may find that you have become your true self and you may no longer be compatible. Some couples split up at this stage hoping to find the same kind of romantic passionate love they experienced in their youth.

We need to recognise that love at this stage of life is different and needs greater conscious awareness than in the earlier stages. It can be incredibly fulfilling, intimate, and comfortable. However, it needs the woman to have the knowledge and understanding to make appropriate choices to find genuinely satisfying mature love.

There is much more about how to weather the Seasons of Love in our Resource Centre. I trust you will find this knowledge and understanding within these pages.

Love Jean

Looking for Love? The Seasons of Love