Shamed for what she wore! Part 1

I was Shamed for What I Wore as a Young Woman   – Annie Den Haan 

When I tell people I lived in a religious cult in the 1980’s, the first questions I get are:
“Were you brainwashed?
How many people did you live with?
Were there any weird rituals?”

No one ever asks me how living in a cult impacted my identity and my self-expression.

The very first thing a cult strips away from their members is their identity. They accomplish this through restricting a new member’s personal choice of clothing through a complex set of rules that dictate what they can and cannot wear. As soon as someone breaks the rules of what is considered ‘acceptable’, they are openly and publicly shamed as though they have done something reprehensible.

I will never forget the very first time I was religiously shamed by the leader of the cult for how I showed up. Innocently, I arrived at one of our morning meetings in the commune wearing a tee shirt and a pair of cut-off shorts. The sweltering summer heat in northern British Columbia made it impossible to find something cool and comfortable to wear.

Taking my seat in the meeting room with the other devotees, the religious leader curled up his lip in disgust, scrutinizing my appearance. All was quiet until he finally raged in a voice dripping with moral indignation,

“Why the hell are you wearing cut-offs to a Bible Study??”

In that moment I made an inaudible vow to myself. Never again would I become a target of public ridicule and shame. I was going to do everything in my power to keep myself invisible just to please everyone else.

There’s a funny thing that happens when you are completely stripped of your identity. You feel completely lost. You have no idea who you are. You lose your self-confidence, and become anxious and stressed.

Clothing is a vital part of your identity and self-expression.

When your ability to express yourself outwardly with your style is constantly regulated by another, you become a blank slate upon which someone with authority can write who they wish you to become. That’s why conformity to cultural or religiously sanctioned clothing choices can lead to any number of mental health problems.

As a 22-year-old woman living under the oppressive rules of a religious dictator, I had no room for outwardly expressing who I truly was. Forced to always cover myself up in modest clothing, I was forbidden to wear items such as cut-offs, skirts, or anything above the calf. Low necks, jewellery, or anything that could be construed as too “sexy” by the opposite gender was an absolute No No.

Not only was my life impacted by the constant fear of being judged for wearing the wrong clothes, but my identity had also been completely dissolved. I was invisible.

Not too many people have lived in a cult, yet how many of us crumble under the pressure of trying to conform to society’s rules about what we can and cannot wear just please everyone else but ourselves?

Just like me, the women I work with have taken similar vows to be invisible, based on a traumatic past around expressing themselves with fashion. This is often the reason why most of us tend to fill our closets with oversized casual clothes and why our favourite colour is often black.

Look out for the next episode when I tell you how I reclaimed my identity in my 50s and went on to empower women 50+ to experience a style identity shift that transforms them from a Caterpillar into a Butterfly, from feeling like a zero to showing up like a SuperHero.

Talk to you then!  Love Annie

About Annie Den Hann:
Annie is a Self Expression Stylist who empowers career and business women 50+ to find their SuperHero Cape so they can embody their Truest Selves with a style to match.

Annie’s sparkly pants helped her overcome incurable cancer diagnosis in 2013.

After living on a religious commune 30 years ago, the former founder of Victoria Shopping Tours, knows that style can be a powerful vehicle for personal expression.

Annie relates first hand to women who dress to keep themselves invisible out of fear
of displeasing others.

If you want to know how to Find Your SuperHero Cape Having to Renew Your
Whole Wardrobe, click here: https://calendly.com/superherocapessession/30
Or send Annie  an email at: [email protected]

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