Shamed for What She Wore! Part 1

In Part 1 of Shamed for What She Wore. Annie shares how a religious cult stripped her of self-expression and identity through strict clothing rules.

I was Shamed for What I Wore as a Young Woman

When I tell people I lived in a religious cult in the 1980s, the first questions I get are:

• Were you brainwashed?
• How many people did you live with?
• Were there any weird rituals?

No one ever asks me how living in a cult impacted my identity and my self-expression.

The very first thing a cult strips away from its members is their identity. They achieve this by restricting personal clothing choices through complex rules dictating what can and cannot be worn. Breaking these rules leads to open, public shaming as if the person has done something reprehensible.

I will never forget the first time the leader of the cult religiously shamed me for my appearance.

One sweltering summer morning in northern British Columbia, I arrived innocently at a commune meeting wearing a tee shirt and cut-off shorts. The heat made finding something cool and comfortable difficult.

Taking my seat with the other devotees, I felt the leader’s disapproving gaze. He curled his lip in disgust, scrutinizing my appearance. The room was silent until he finally raged in a voice dripping with moral indignation,

“Why the hell are you wearing cut-offs to a Bible Study?”

In that moment, I made an inaudible vow: never again would I become a target of public ridicule and shame. I would do everything in my power to remain invisible and please everyone else.

The Psychological Shaming of Losing Your Identity

When stripped of your identity, you feel lost. You no longer know who you are. Your self-confidence vanishes, replaced by anxiety and stress.

Clothing is a vital part of identity and self-expression. When someone else controls how you present yourself outwardly, you become a blank slate upon which authority figures can write who they wish you to be. Conforming to cultural or religious dress codes can result in numerous mental health issues.

As a 22-year-old woman living under oppressive rules, I had no room for outward self-expression. Forced to cover myself in modest clothing, I was forbidden from wearing cut-offs, skirts, or anything above the calf. Low necklines, jewellery, or anything deemed “too sexy” by male standards was strictly prohibited.

The constant fear of judgment for wearing the wrong clothes deeply affected my life. My identity dissolved. I became invisible.

The Pressure to Conform Still Exists

Few people have lived in a cult, yet many of us face societal pressure to conform to rules about what we can and cannot wear. We often do this not for ourselves but to please others.

Like me, many of the women I work with have taken vows of invisibility due to past traumas linked to self-expression through fashion. This is why so many of us fill our closets with oversized casual clothes and favour black as a safe, neutral colour.

A Journey to Reclaiming Identity by What You Wore

Stay tuned for the next episode, where I share how I reclaimed my identity in my 50s and began empowering women 50+ to embrace a style identity. You’ll learn about the transformation from feeling like a caterpillar to becoming a butterfly—from feeling like a zero to showing up as a superhero.

Talk to you then!

Love, Annie

About Annie Den Hann

Annie is a self-expression stylist who empowers career and businesswomen 50+ to discover their superhero cape, helping them embody their truest selves with a style that matches.

Sparkly pants helped Annie overcome her incurable cancer diagnosis in 2013. After living in a religious commune 30 years ago, Annie—the former founder of Victoria Shopping Tours—understands firsthand how style can be a powerful vehicle for personal expression.

She relates closely to women who dress to remain invisible out of fear of displeasing others.

If you want to know how to Find Your SuperHero Cape Having to Renew Your
Whole Wardrobe, click here: https://calendly.com/superherocapessession/30
Or send Annie  an email at: [email protected]

Like our Facebook Page for more updates!
Are you navigating the ups and downs of midlife? We invite you to like our Facebook page, “Midlife Crisis Support“, where you’ll find encouragement, relatable stories, and tips for thriving during this phase of life. Let’s support each other and make midlife a time of renewal and growth!

You may want to read more of our blog post for our Six Areas while waiting for the second part of this series, Health & Wellness, Confidence & Image, Money & Wealth, Family & Friends, Love & Intimacy and Passion & Purpose