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Six Ways To Keep Love Alive By Tamsin Fielden

Six ways to keep Love Alive with your Love Partner (and their Relations) this Christmas

Whether it is the age-old problem of how you divide your time between your respective parents, fitting in with long-established family rituals, or dealing with critical, probing comments about you or your partner there are certain strategies that you can employ to maintain the bond of love with your partner over the festive session.

1. Think ahead
Discuss and plan how you will divide your time and make sure your divisions are equitable – even if you might prefer spending more time with your own family – or indeed the in-laws – keep it fair.

2. Stay loyal to your partner
Your primary allegiance is to your partner. If your mother openly criticises your partner doesn’t join in and make sure you challenge her on inappropriate behaviour.

Try to understand that your partner may be responding to patterns of behaviour developed since childhood so cut them some slack if they are maybe not as focused on you as normal. Set clear boundaries with your own parents, especially if they are coming to your house for Christmas!

3. Don’t bitch
Don’t bad mouth your partner’s parents, even if he or she does. If you do feel that there is something inappropriate in the behaviour of a member of your partner’s family then raise it with your partner in a calm, rational and objective manner.

4. Keep talking
Whatever the Christmas anxiety it is essential to keep up the communication with your partner. Talk about your expectations, what you like and don’t like about the Christmas period, and what you want to have to happen.

5. Manage your expectations
You may have unrealistic expectations of your partner or relationship over Christmas. The same things that annoy, irritate and infuriate you about your partner (and no matter how in love you are as a couple these exist) will still be there over Christmas. So don’t expect your partner to suddenly be perfect and for everyone to
get along like a house on fire. Accept the realities of your partner and family relationship and go with the flow.

6. Get real about Gifts
You may worry whether you have bought too many or too few presents relative to your partner. Or whether your partner will appreciate the thoughtfulness of the gift you spent months sourcing. Perhaps you worry that an inappropriate gift from your partner is a reflection of how he or she feels about you. Take joy in the act of giving itself and when receiving a gift – no matter how bizarre – focus on the thought behind the gift.

And remember some people express their love through gift-giving, while others do not. So if your partner does not get you that perfect gift or does not appreciate your gift as much as you would like don’t take this as a sign of not loving you. Think about all the other ways he or she expresses love to you.

With best wishes for a happy and loving Christmas
Tamsin Fielden


Tamsin Fielden is a performance coach, trainer, and marketing communication consultant. She works with individuals and teams to help them change unhelpful beliefs, attitudes, and behaviours and embrace helpful strategies to achieve their goals.

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