Is my Sex Life over at 45? Members Only

Is my Sex Life over at 45?

Would you like it to be?   The type of Sex Life you have after 45 is up to you. Whether you already have a sex life or not, and whatever that might mean to you, it could change and change again.
As you change, as your body changes, as your preferences and people in your life change.
If your sex life is satisfying now, what might make it better? If it’s unsatisfying now, what might make it better?

Let’s say it’s unlikely a perfect partner will appear out of nowhere who magically knows what you’d love.
So if it was up to you, which it is, what energy, time and attention would you like to devote to this aspect of your life? To find out what you’d love to explore in the erotic realms.

Until 50 I’d had a rather mundane time, nothing bad, nothing that’d knocked my socks off either. I wanted to know more about what might be possible beyond the conveyor belt of fading relationships and unremarkable PIV (penis in vagina) sex and I didn’t know where to begin. This is a pretty natural state of affairs and if this is you, you’re not alone. If you’re willing and wanting to devote some time to a sexual exploration at mid-life, you can reap great rewards in self-awareness, new forms of pleasure and connection. There might be something you’ve always been curious about, you might want to get spiritual and explore Tantra, you might decide to sort out an issue you have, you might want to get a little bit kinky or explore sensual massage or consent and boundaries. The choices are myriad and marvellous.

If you’ve seen the wonderful film Good luck to you Leo Grande, with Emma Thompson (and if you haven’t, may I recommend you do) as it’s heart-warming, fun, sad and important. The film puts a older woman’s desire for knowing and feeling more pleasure, beyond the banality of showing up and putting up with her, now dead, boring husband’s routine needs. Meeting a supportive male escort over a period of time, she finds what she’s drawn to; her own version of pleasure after the years of what she felt she was expected to enjoy, yet was nonplussed. And no wonder. The heteronormative view of PIV sex is limited, often a long road to nowhere; easier to give up on than express a curiosity for change or a desire for better. It takes courage.

Remember, rewarding sex isn’t about someone else’s needs or gratification. Rewarding sex is about finding out who you are and who you might be in a realm of new possibility.  Beyond getting a cat or joining the Ramblers. Both of which are also nice and can offer new sensations and experiences. However, if you’d love more than than a walk or a fur ball to stroke, you would love a sensual exploration, or to expand your positive sexual experiences, a new world awaits.

So no your sex life isn’t over at 45, rather it can be a time for a new beginning. Your sexual potential awaits you.

Love Alison

Alison Pilling is the host of The Sex Lectures, a welcoming educational sex-positive gathering of speakers, sharing 12 min talks on all aspects of sexuality. 

In corporate life until 50, she joined a women’s Tantra programme. Life changed and she took a deep dive into a 7 year sexuality journey realising the benefits for self awareness and authentic connection. 

https://sexschoolforgrownups.com/