What is ‘Tough Love’ for our children?

What is ‘tough love’ for our children, and how can we balance discipline with care? Both animals and humans are products of millions of years of evolution.

It is not just our bodies that have evolved—our instincts have developed as well, guiding us to protect and teach our children in a dangerous world.

In the past, failing to heed these instincts often meant children faced life-threatening consequences. While modern dangers have changed, our instincts remain. But do we still value and trust them?

Have We Lost Trust in Our Parental Instincts?

Perhaps modern society has distanced us from our natural ability to rely on instincts. Animals have a built-in, instinctive approach to raising their young—striking a balance between care and preparing them for independence.

Victorians believed children were wild, uncivilized, and in need of severe discipline to keep them in check. Their motto, “Spare the rod and spoil the child,” reflected a harsh parenting style. But have we now swung too far in the opposite direction?

While children are not born as savages, they can develop destructive habits if parents fail to set boundaries. However, discipline doesn’t require brutality—it requires wisdom and balance.

Learning from the ‘Tough Love’ of Animals

Parents who believe they must provide endless comfort and convenience for their adult children should take inspiration from nature. Consider the example of eagles.

When baby eaglets are born, their nest is lined with soft down from the mother’s breast. But as they grow, the parents gradually remove the down, making the nest less comfortable. This subtle discomfort encourages the eaglets to prepare for independence.

Later, the parent eagles take their young to the edge of a cliff, nudging them forward. If they hesitate, the parents push them off.

If an eaglet struggles to fly, the parent will swoop down, catch them, and bring them back for another attempt. The lesson? Guided struggle leads to growth.

A Lesson for Parents

Can we apply this principle to parenting? Children thrive when they learn resilience, responsibility, and independence. Sheltering them from challenges might feel like love, but in reality, it may hinder their ability to navigate the real world.

‘Tough love’ does not mean harshness—it means preparing children for life while ensuring they always feel supported.

Are we raising our children to be strong, independent individuals?