What is ‘Tough Love’ for our children?

Animals and humans are products of millions of years of evolution.

It is not just our bodies that have evolved. So has the experience built into our instincts to protect us and guide us in a dangerous environment

In the past the cost of getting it wrong was that children came to an untimely end.

The dangers we and our children face today are different but our instincts are still there. How much do we value these instincts?

Maybe because of modern society we’ve lost the ability to trust our instincts. Animals have a built-in instinctive routine for training their children. It is a balance of caring and moving them towards self-sufficiency.

Victorians believed children were wild, uncivilised, barbarian savages that needed to be severely disciplined to keep them under control. ‘Spare the rod and Spoil the child’ was the motto of the time. Maybe we have swung too far in the other direction.

While children are not born savages, they can become so if their parents allow it to happen. You don’t need to be brutal to discipline your children.

Learn from the ‘tough love’ of animals

Parents who feel they have to keep a comfortable home with three meals a day for their adult children should remember the eagles.

Baby eaglets are born onto a layer of down from the mother’s breast which she places in the base of the nest. However, once the offspring reach a certain age, the parents will remove the down so it is no longer as comfortable to lie in the nest.

A bit later the parents will take the eaglets to the edge of a cliff and nudge them towards it. If they don’t take the hint, they will push the eaglets off the edge.

If the eaglet doesn’t manage to fly that time, that same parent will plunge down to lovingly catch the eaglet and bring it back for another try.

Is this an example we can learn from?

Love Jean